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The European Commission has just announced that English will be the official language of the European Union, rather than German, which was the other possibility.  As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling has room for improvement and has accepted a five-year plan to phase in "EuroEnglish."

In the first year "s" will replace the soft "c."  Sertainly this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.  The hard "c" sound will be dropped in favor of the "k."  This change should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have two fewer letters.

The EC ekspekts growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f."  This change will make words such as fotograf approksimately 20% shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new speling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage at which more komplikated changes will be possible.  Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling, Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and should go away.

By the fourth yer, peopl wil be reseptiv to many more steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v" and droping silent konsonants.

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou," along wiz ozer silent leters.  After zis fifz yer ve vil hav a rel sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech oza.  Ze drem of a united urop vil finali com tru.

And you thought this page was going to be about money.

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